Can't Sleep, Must...Blog...

Inefficiency, chaos, distance and happiness, contentment too. Lists of who to be, consistency in the God that is...and always will be. Truth in the light and joy of small things, but darkness unfolding the disconnection of family ties.

Kindred usage of what was thought to me deeper than just a minority. Sense was selfless as hair was cut to unimaginable lengths. Shorter than ever but the beginning of stronger than ever, on the inside too. Tough as steel but tougher still because tears were not allowed. A heart softened and abused but only due to the exterior allowing the weaker link to get weak. Now vulnerable but seemingly shielded, the process renewed and faith restored.

Now the +1 of a status, minority report re-upped and allowed now to manifest destiny to be destined to be great. As life settles into Divine routine, so does the soul, the mind and the heart follows suit.

Claiming a reality not totally magnificent, clouds remain. Not yet a time for clearing as it was a time for incubation. The regrowth of cells reborn and new to eyes already present. Listening for further instruction. Ready, willing, totally capable of rebranding, but it may have been too soon. But maybe it is now seen as too late.

Clearer skies ahead, the veil admired, not for that which it hides, but for that which is concealed. Concealment is choice and hiding an involuntary mechanism for protection.

Presence in all identities fades not the prior and following attendance to the rest, but in lieu, assists others in finding the shine that is their own now and then, today and yesterday, years to come and years that have gone, all seeping authenticity at every stage for we are allowed to and need to incubate and change, lather rinse and repeat as often as we deem necessary.

Paz.

Always,

@AmBBitious

*Sent via BlackBerry

Luxury

At first it was an endless route, paused by a transfer, filled with friendly strangers who welcomed the open seats symbiotically.

Then, we became enthralled, the ego and I, into thought processes that revolved around wheels that sat snug in axles and added to the sound of traffic and pollution present in the invisible life's blood we inhale.

At first ego and I were hesitant...we pored over options and used pages of tree matter to scribble in ink what options were near. And then, what options were far... Almost a year later, the reflections still abound. Filled with scribbles of profiles and symbols and options that would delight a custom-made enthusiast, but instead made ego and I dizzy with discontent.

Layers of pages fell away, as my borrowed and yet to be seen financial flow became restricting and comforting in narrowing choices.

Ego and I sat, and thought, and prayed, and waited, and thought some more. Then she appeared...

Out of thin heir it seems, and from the sought advice of new associates, pointed me to opt in for the luxurious choice. Ego chose first, then as the latter I followed.

A gift to me, celebrating my years in existence, I coined her name relative to a flower I adore. It then became my standard, the life I aimed to live, glamorous, pretty, leather, sunroof, spacious.

As a reflection on ego's choice, I realize now, that, the 'then' was laced with want and rooted in need. The sun became too close and the nights late for earning hours. I felt dependent when independent needed to be present.

Now as I prepare to replace the rubber-glass slipper of her choice, I do realize ego's non-attention to my supplemental limitations. Praises go up for 3 checks in one month. Needed and desperately guarded for future expenses. "Smart money is the only choice for ego's honey," I say.

Now on to thinking ways to cut corners and bloom into stability, ego must be trained. Not only to obey, but to sincerely surface when needed, as we are an inseparable pair...

Until the next choice, the best choice is presented, I continue the process of push and pull to benefit and control us both in our sobriety for comfort and luxury.

This has thus confirmed the story, of my first car purchase. End to end... "She wants to lead, the glamorous life.... ....without love, it ain't much, it ain't much." ~Sheila E.

~Fin.

Always,

@AmBBitious

*Sent via BlackBerry